The word bullshit, Failed Love with possible realisation and Conclusion

Bullshit. I hate people's bullshit. I hate people who lie to me or just lie in general. I'm so sick and tired of people being rude and just having no respect for anyones feelings, not caring if the other person gets hurt. Only out for themselves. This particular one goes to my friend or should i say associate we'll call her "X". "X" is SO rude to people and is so heartless at times and can be such a user. When X tells me stuff i don't stand for it, as "X" is so irrevlant to my life. I got better things to do than listen to bullshit. I really have been using the word alot recently, i dunno know why. I think that I'm slightly angry or aggravated over something but i can't really place my finger on it...
I'll come back to it if i ever find out.

Failed love with the possible realisation.You know something i was staring out of the window on the bus coming from college and it suddenly dawned upon me. I finally realised that I have been selfish. i really have. This whole break up thing with my ex boyfriend. He broke my heart and ripped it out. But I never really stopped to think how he must be feeling. He must have been feeling pretty lousy and pretty ashamed of what he did to me. Yet he's hurting aswell. I'm not the only one. He may have ripped out my heart but i caused his heart to hurt aswell. He's hurting just as much as me. And at the moment when i was sat down on the bus looking out of the window looking into the trees i really realised. My eyes were open. I believe that we should all forgive and forget. I'm trying to not hold a grudge and forgive. The more time passes the more i feel that i can move on. Today was just a good realisation for me. Overall i guess i really did need it. Thank God

Conclusion. I've come to the conclusion that i miss my friend. I really miss him. I miss his touch, his smile, his neck kisses. I loved him and cared for him alot, i kinda do at the moment but he's moved on so i don't really bother. I moved on aswell but I still think about him almost everyday now... I know what your thinking, "if i cared so much about him then I would try" and yes your right i would try. But still i don't want to be a burden or annoying. Besides what would i say to him? after all this time of us not talking for me to pop up outta the blue is kinda strange. I dunno I guess I got to figure it out in my own way or something. *sigh*

Anyway here's the video for today, just today i realised how much i really love the song. The video is HOT. Kelly did her Thang. Enjoy peeps

Santana xox

Love, wedding dresses and non existance

Ahh so its been about nearly a month since I've last posted something on here. I'm slacking. I apologise i'm sorry. Anyway this post is about Love, wedding dresses and non existence. The reason why i titled this is because i have three things to talk about within this post which may take some time in explaining.

The picture shown above is basically like my dream wedding. I'm actually being serious on this one. It was only today that i realised that i would love a wedding on the beach, i mean just look at it. The waves sounding and crashing upon the shore. The nice hot beach between your toes and the sunset within the horizon i mean that sounds so beautiful. But i don't have a boyfriend so i can't really think about that at the moment. But a girl can dream eh?

Reffering to my topic of wedding dresses, as i saw the picture of the beach wedding i got so happy and excited about wedding dresses and i started looking for some in particular for beach wear. They looked so lovely and they were on sale aswell *jumps excitedly* but again i don't have a boyfriend. This is such an occurring problem *laughs*.

As i was getting ready to sleep i started to think about my recent boyfriend and how we were once so in love. We were so much in love that we were planning for our honeymoon and he even gave me a ring which i loved so very much. It had only been about 3 months but i did love every single bit of it. I remember he once came to my house and we danced to my favourite song which always makes me cry and he held me. Eventhough we don't talk now due to silly reasons i won't forget him. He taught me to love like you have nothing left to lose. And to be patient which was a good thing. He was funny, charming and kind a real gentleman. I had him and he had me and that was all that mattered and at that moment in time when we were together i never felt so loved in my entire life.

Non-existence- I feel that love may not exist, i know yes i'm only 18 years old but still. I have loved 3 people in my life time. Two of which i knew loved me and the other not so much, but i still loved him regardless of everything and everyone. I know it is bad for me to say but my mind is starting to sway on that thought of love not really existing. "Love exists in God, as God is Love." But apart from that i don't feel that love can truly co-inhibit between two people. Not really. Call me narrow minded or naive but it's just my opinion. I could talk about this subject for a good while but i think i'll stop there until a next time.

Heres a video which explains my feelings and i just overall love this tearful song. Hope you enjoy

Santana xox